Some people head to work to do their job, make something of themselves and hopefully, work hard enough to get out of the hell hole and into something more pleasurable. Other people, well…they go to work to make their co-workers’ life a living hell. These are known as donkeys who would rather work to find ways to make people’s life hell than actually get to work.
ChefShwasty — that’s the username on his Facebook page and, no, he doesn’t work in a kitchen — had this very problem. One of his co-workers, whom he appropriately dubbed D was getting on his nerves. So, like any modern guy with a decent social media presence, ChefShwasty decided to torture his co-worker in the funniest way, while live-commenting the whole thing on Facebook because why not?
ChefShwasty starts by introducing his co-worker. He writes: "The man in the red shirt with the blurry face, let's call him D. D never shuts up. D likes to one-up people. D leaves the bathroom door closed without the fan on after taking a nasty because he thinks it's funny." Oh, D.
"D likes to take every conversation and make it about himself, regardless of topic. D practices Tai-Chi in his front yard on a busy street, and complains when people stare. D has a very, very short fuse. And I like to f*ck with D."
6. The Master Plan
The ChefShwasty explains what he has done. He writes: "I placed a small Bluetooth speaker in the HVAC duct above his head, and have been playing "Stayin' Alive" by the Beegees on repeat since then. It's only barely audible, and the way the louvers are, only he can hear it. " A classic.
Then ChefShwasty gives us a live commentary as D’s patience gets worse and worse. Yeh, a lot of work has been done on this day… He writes: "7.30am- I noticed him stop, look around, close his eyes, and seemingly try to listen for something. He shook it off and continued talking."
"8.45 am- Started humming the song after I had turned it down. 9.30am- Asked what music I was playing on my computer. Came over, searched, found nothing. Looked at other co-worker, who just shrugged. Went back to talking."
Things went on like this for a while. For a second, D thought he had found the source of the music. ChefShwasty writes: "10.30am- One of the warehousemen played "Stayin' Alive" on their warehouse speakers very loudly. D closed the door to the warehouse. I turned my speaker up. Five minutes later, he went into the warehouse, where a different song was playing. I turned down my speaker. He sat down, and started searching under his desk, presumably for a source of the noise."
ChefShwasty even managed to torture this guy in the bathroom. He writes: "He's leaving for lunch. Turned it up when he was in the bathroom so he could hear it through the bathroom ducting. Left in a hurry.”
At around one o'clock, D starts suspecting that someone is pranking him. "Apparently he's under the impression someone is pranking him, but unsure how [sic] He's been upstairs checking around to see if there's anything up there, to no avail."
At 2.30, others in the office decided to join in. ChefShwasty writes: "OTHER COWORKER HAD A GREAT IDEA. We're now playing music on our individual computers at a normal volume. It's creating a weird Vortex of music. We've upped the volume of Stayin Alive. We can all hear it, but it's indistinguishable from other things."
At 3.02 D finally confronted his co-workers. "Oh shit guys he broke down and confronted us. Shouting shit like 'I know you're doing this' etc etc. But he has no proof. He's now just sitting outside smoking and pouting haha."
After the cigarette, around 4.01, D finally burst. "He shot out of here like a cannon. When he grabbed his keys, I upped the volume to max, and everyone started dancing to the music (about five of us). He dropped his keys and starting yelling f*uck you, guys! Before he left, he said, ‘you'll fucking regret this on Monday.' Guess who's calling in sick?"
Yeh, sure, but, um, unless you're quitting, D will still be there on Tuesday.