Sorry, kiddo. Freedom may be just a couple feet away, but you aren't going anywhere. Not until Mom gets that perfect picture for this year's Christmas cards. So just smile and pretend you aren't sitting on the lap of a judgmental supernatural being.
If you have four kids crying as you try to talk to them, maybe you are the one who is doing something wrong. Maybe stop starting out your greetings with "Santa sends bad kids to hell, filled with burning coal!" Just a thought, take it or leave it.
Listen kids, I know he is a creepy elf with a creepy beard and creepy white gloves, but he should not be your primary concern! You have an older sister who is clearly a sociopath! Look at those dead eyes. Have you seen The Good Son, starring Macaulay Culkin? Because that's your sister.
Hoo boy. Look at those eyes. So much pain. So much agony. So much betrayal. If he could form complete sentences, he would say, "Why, mother? Why have you subjected me to such torture? I thought you loved me."