I don’t understand why it’s a universal thing that every single grandma loves Werther’s Original or this type of candy right here. I’ve never seen these things in any type of packaging or a store. They just seem to live in the bottom of every grandma's purse.
This is the best cat novelty item I’ve ever seen in my life (trust me, I’ve got plenty of kitty chachkies). This is a real fridge magnet. It’s a bit pricey, but certainly worth it to scare the crap out of people.
After a burrito I would say that my farts were a ristretto. But I don’t see the option for “messy and pungent” for when it turns into a shart. That should be on there, maybe under “gross burnt diner coffee.”
When I worked as a teacher’s assistant in college, “furthermore” was one of the most loathsome words students would use to sound smart. The other words were “hence,” “indeed” and the occasional “per se.”
Whenever I see people with tattoos in Chinese, I really and truly hope they got a trusted native Chinese speaker to verify what it actually says. More often than not, you’re probably getting thoroughly screwed.
8. Procrastination Is The ... What Disney Princess Am I?
I’ve already got distracted writing this list about 15 times. I had to pluck a chin hair, then I had to Google “why does my cat meow at night?,” take a quiz on “Can You Recognize These Movies From One Still?” (100%), and then looked at my fridge for 20 minutes to decide whether I’m hungry or not.
I don’t know if they do this in every movie theater now because of domestic terrorism, but in New York City, they like to check your bag before you enter the theater. Last time I went to the movies, I was paranoid af because I didn’t realize they would be checking and my friend and I shoved a bottle of wine into my big bag. He glanced briefly inside, said nothing and let us through.
You know why? They’re not looking for wine, they’re looking for guns.
I am so happy I found this meme, because it is so unbelievably true. The shower is my time to reflect on everything I should have done or said differently dating back to when I was in middle school. It is also my time to plan my future arguments and how “cool” I’ll act if that f**k boy texts me again.
Deep down, I know I won’t be cool. But in the shower…anything is possible.