Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if flat-earthers actually believed this. They believe some pretty outlandish things. For example, they don’t think trees exist. Oh, and gravity isn’t a thing. So no wonder these dinosaurs just floated off into space.
Not like I ever needed any more validation to not be a vegan, but if I did, this would certainly be it. If I were this woman, I’d switch to straight up meat butter. Is that a thing? Can’t we just compress animal fat into a spreadable condiment?
I too have a phobia of chainsaws, but that only happened after I watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the first time. Prior to that, I was juggling chainsaws like it was nobody’s business. I also have a phobia of leaving the house, meeting people and tracking packages from Amazon. But, I think that’s just general anxiety.
This is the furthest thing away from disappointment there is. This is making every one of my internal organs tingle with delight. This year’s Christmas Coca-Cola commercials need to be redone with polar cats.
This is an actual photo of me Instagram-stalking someone about 42 weeks deep into their feed. Everyone just looks so damn happy and beautiful in all their pictures and it makes me feel like this here Brazilian tapir. But, remember … nobody’s life is as good as it seems on Instagram.
Hey, I’m not a vegan, but I wouldn’t mind getting an avocado for Easter, especially one as perfect as that. Do you know how difficult it is to find a perfect avocado in the supermarket? You’ll have better luck finding a vegan that doesn’t constantly talk about being a vegan. So, that’s pretty rare.
Well, God did say that the seventh day was a day of rest. I think the Christians misinterpreted things. Now, they get all dolled up and make a big fuss every Sunday and then hit up Chick-fil-a by the truckload. This lady is just doing what God intended.
That’s why you never order anything online; 90 percent of the time it will not fit right. Even this cat is hating it. “Damnit, Susan. Why did you get this for me; for Catchella? I told you that I’m not going this year. Anyway, I wouldn’t be caught dead in a crotchet top.”
It took me a second to get this, but once they did beam her up the Star Trek Enterprise would have been in for a s****y surprise. This graffiti would have landed home the joke better if the final line wasn’t drawn in twice. This way it looks like they beamed her up and then there was a glitch and she came back down.
“No, Margaret. Alcohol is full of sugar and I’m really just trying to watch my weight. Plus, I don’t need to be drunk to have fun at a party … Wait, what? Roger is going to be there?! Give me that bottle.”
No matter how cool this statue is, it really shouldn’t inspire false hope in people. As far as I know, not one doctor in the world has found a cure for death. They merely just found ways to delay the inevitable.
As I’ve gotten older I hate Halloween more and more every year. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be one of those bitter old ladies that turns her lawn sprinklers on when tricker-treaters try to walk up to my door. Sorry, not sorry … but also, sorry.