Until that day arrives when you say to yourself, "You know what? If I have one more kid I will blow my f**king brains out. Seriously, if I bring another child into this world I will gladly eat a bullet and leave this mortal coil. I am done."
3. I Believe The Children Are Our Future — Just Not MY Future
According to WebMD, "During a vasectomy, thevas deferensfrom each testicle is clamped, cut, or otherwise sealed. This prevents sperm from mixing with the semen that is ejaculated from thepenis. An egg cannot be fertilized when there are no sperm in the semen. The testicles continue to produce sperm, but the sperm are reabsorbed by the body."
Basically, it's science's way of telling nature, "Yeah, we're good here."
So, yeah, getting a knife to your most private of parts can be a little scary. (Unless you are into that kind of thing. And if you are, hey, that's cool. We here at Guff do not believe in sex shaming.) So if you want a vasectomy but are a little intimidated about doing it solo, maybe you should consider taking part of the new trend of...
Guys getting together to jointly snip their joints is the brand new way bros can bond. According to Dr. Jerome Parnell, who runs a urology clinic in Raleigh, North Carolina, up to 20 percent of his vasectomy patients come in with a buddy willing to do the same. “A lot of men can’t stand the thought of having their boys cut on,” says Parnell. “They find it easier if there’s some co-misery."
Penn Holderness, a local Raleigh North Carolina news anchor (and viral star of all those "Christmas Jammies" videos), got a vasectomy with four of his buds, naming themselves Team Vasectomy. The foursome even hung out for the mandatory 24-hour recovery time, watching movies, YouTube and eating pizza.
“We relaxed and celebrated it instead of it being a day when you lost your manhood,” says Holderness.
Turek has an interesting observation about group vasectomies: the guys seemed to recover faster than his typical patients.
"They had no complaints," he says. "They were back at work sooner. They took fewer pain pills. It was the best anesthesia, having their buddies with them."
Could hanging with your bros be the new alternative medicine? Instead of reiki will there just be a bunch of guys who will come to your home, eat Chipotle, watch Ballersand then cure whatever ails you?
Sometimes bros just need other bros in a way that can only be described as, 'bromazing." This group approach to medical procedures appears to be unique to men, says Kathy Rowan, office manager for The Vasectomy Clinic in Seattle. While women tend to come together for a day of pampering — think yoga retreats or spa days — they don’t tend to head to the doctor as a team.
“We joke that women don’t call each other up and say, ‘Let’s go for Pap smears together,’” says Rowan.
Now with healthcare in a state of flux, will vasectomies even be covered by insurance in the future? When Republicans tried to pass their healthcare act, they wanted to get rid of the contraceptive mandate, which includes vasectomies. If they get their way the next time the bill comes up, then having your crank on the literal chopping block could, in fact, be on the chopping block.
Whether you'll have to pay full freight to get castrated or not remains to be seen, but either way, getting some like-minded bros together for an afternoon of cutting into your manhood may be something right up your alley. Any surgery can be intimidating, and having a good group of friends there to hold your hand through the process can be incredibly comforting.
Bros hold hands, right?
13. Say It Loud, 'I Can't Reproduce And I'm Proud!'