It’s important to remember that everything you post on the internet lasts forever, so be very, very careful with what you post. Even the most seemingly innocuous photo can be a source of great regret (and hilarity) if it falls into the wrong (right) hands. Reddit user TypicalLegend shared this photo of Miss USA 2015 Olivia Jordan in a brightly colored wetsuit looking out over the beach, and invited the Reddit community to bust out its Photoshopping skills.
You thought that first photo made it look like she hits the gym a lot? Take a gander at this one. She just went from Miss USA to Miss Olympia. I don’t even know if Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime could compete with the bulkiness of those biceps or the tremendous triceps on display here. She’s as thick as an actual rainbow in this photo. That’s not sand she’s standing on. It’s the protein powder she ingests daily to keep those gains.
Is this a new Pixar movie? An insane hidden level in Super Mario Brothers? Some latent side effect of that stuff you took three years ago at Burning Man? Perhaps it’s all three. Whatever it is, I want this to be a movie and a video game my friends, family and even enemies can enjoy immediately. What’s the plot? Who cares! Wouldn’t you like to ride a shark under a rainbow made of yourself? I thought so.
If she's looking for other unicorns, we wish her good luck, but we're skeptical at best. Also, why is she gripping her horn? Can she see through that? Is that acting like a telescope? Does that mean that unicorns have a third eye? Do unicorns have psychic abilities? Maybe they aren't extinct after all. Maybe they're just using their mental abilities to disguise themselves from our feeble human brains that can't perceive them. I'm onto you majestic creatures...
Either one person missed the memo about the dress code, or a hundred people missed the memo about the dress code and this is supposed to be one whimsical group of soldiers. To be honest, I think she has the right idea. Imagine you’re in a warlike setting and you see an army of gorgeous, brightly colored soldiers heading your way. Can you think of a more fitting image for the absurdity of war? The ludicrous sight would either make the enemies immediately surrender or distract them so much the Miss USA Army would claim an easy victory.
Whoa, settle down there, He-Man. You're looking a little too excited. It's frankly unsettling, that look of sheer ecstasy on your visage. Look, anyone else would be just as thrilled to be in your situation, we get that. But you have to be less obvious about how much you're enjoying soaking in the sun's rays. Act like you've been to the beach before. Judging by your tan, I know it's not your first rodeo. What's so glorious about this time, huh?
Whoever Photoshopped this must've thought the lunatic was on the beach. Also, here's a free fun fact for you. Stop me if you've heard this one before. It may sound like an urban legend, but we assure you it's absolutely, positively, one hundred and fifty-three percent true. Did you know that if you start playing Wizard of Oz, and sync it up with Miss USA's shirt that you have too much time on your hands?
We mean that literally, by the way. Look at the photo. She's smoking a pipe. We're just pointing out what she's doing. Also, she's super hot.
You know, because she's on the beach in the middle of summer. The temperature has to be at least in the 90s here. Also, that giant beard can't be too comfortable. Sure, it's glorious, maintained perfectly and the envy of anyone of any gender, frankly, but it sure won't keep your face cool, that's for sure.
With Photoshop at the world's disposal, why stop here? Why not take her on a tour of U.S. presidents? Next time, we want to see her saluting Lincoln. And not during the Civil War, either. We want to see her saluting Lincoln during the T-Rex chase sequence in Jurassic Park, only instead of a T-Rex it's Teddy Roosevelt chasing a jeep full of Pikachus. But sure, this picture is good, too, I suppose. Nice job, pal.
Looks like someone's found her spirit animal. Also, a quick shout out and tip of the rainbow cat cap to the maestro that created this expert level Photoshop. I can't imagine the hours of practice and due diligence necessary to pull this off. The work is absolutely flawless. I mean... in all the other pictures, she was facing the other way. But now she's flipped horizontally. Truly, this is the craftsmanship of a prodigy. Bra-freaking-vo, good sir and/or madam.
Take a look, it's in a book, Photoshopping. Many of these internet monsters are using the technology of the day for evil. To mock this poor, unsuspecting gorgeous gal for the delight of millions for no good reason. But not the author of this work. I mean, sure, they're also going for a laugh at her expense. Eh, what can you do? It's the internet. But they're at least encouraging us to read! What a great message. We'll get right to it... after just a few more of these pics.
At least now Goro has a beach buddy to make him feel less self-conscious. Also, I wonder if that third arm knows any sign language. It would be fascinating to carry on a conversation with a sentient third arm affixed to the crotch of one of America's most beautiful women. What would they have to say? Probably something along the lines of, "If you try to shake my hand, so help me you're going to lose it, you creep."
This looks like the rainbow-colored sequel to Jupiter Ascending you didn't know you wanted. Especially since many of you probably haven't even seen or heard of Jupiter Ascending in the first place. Look, I know the trailer makes it look ridiculous, but you can't judge a book by its cover, and you can't judge a movie by its poorly executed marketing campaign. Just give it a shot and thank me later. Oh, and yeah... cool picture. This would make a great laptop wallpaper.
Let's hope she's not allergic. Otherwise we may have to Photoshop her some Benadryl. Also, way to break stereotypes Miss USA. Whenever you picture a cat lady, you envision an old, lonely and often grotesque woman. But that's not true anymore. Cat ladies can be of any age, and they can be absolutely stunning. Of course, you may have also envisioned a cat lady as a werewolf, but instead of turning into a giant wolf it's a woman transforming into a giant cat. In that case... cool. Great imagination you got there. You should get into Photoshop.
Jeez, put your tongue back in, Mister Lizard. I know your in the middle of the desert and probably haven't seen any water in weeks, but that's no excuse to act so dang thirsty around a pretty young lady. Don't bug your eyes out or yell "Awooooooga!" either, sir.
By the way, are you wondering what Miss USA would think of all of this? Wonder no longer! Olivia Jordan herself has seen the Photoshop battle of her beach pic. Her thoughts? Well... she tweeted that she loves it!