The internet has made it much easier to butcher the English language, and what's easy is often done. If you see this happen in the Twittersphere, don't just dismiss it as the ravings of moron — pounce on those ravings of a madman like the hand of the grammar GOD you are. Confuse them with your knowledge of predicates and participles. Pone them with your pronouns.
How does one make ice? Long gone are the days when you had to hack apart an iceberg and haul your quarry home over the hills of Patagonia and preserve the winnings in a large pit in your backyard, kept guard by your youngest son and the familial spirits. Now...you can just pick some up at 7/11.
Oh snap! As if this kid didn't have enough problems to begin with (disrespectful, insubordinate, angry), his/her mother comes back with very likely the most badass, inferiority-complex-creating response in the history of this article. Good for you, mom. You made this texter, and you can destroy them — with your words, and by discontinuing the family cellphone plan.
Gymnastics aren't just a sport dominated by the doping Russians at the Olympics. They can also be very useful when trying to empathize with a complete idiot of the dummy persuasion. How do you get your head up your own butt while bypassing your colon? Goggles.
It's unclear how much of a badass Wendy of Wendy's really is. We do know that she demands that her burgers be cut at 90 degree angles — badass. Those pigtails need to be washed and primped every day — which means she's an early-rising badass. And she hangs out with a white-haired geriatric doing, what, lawn bowling? She's the badass of our times.
Aren't we all mirrors, though? When we behold our fellow men, women, children, do we not see ourselves in their countenances, yearning to be freed from the fleshy prison we call a body, unbound of the fetters we call social bonds. And when our smiles fade and our pristine reflections crack, do we not see the facade of it all?
Oftentimes people who chatter on endlessly don't have enough time to get a gym membership because they're too busy making fools of themselves. On the other hand, people who talk on endlessly seldom have time to eat, and consequently can pass out from starvation. Either way, if you want to get someone where they live, make fun of their health.
Barbie isn't real. But sometimes people need to believe in totems, symbols, icons, etc. to verify their existence in an amoral, Godless, vast wasteland of a void. In which case Barbie, with her perfect features and vacuous allure, makes a perfect incarnation of that need.
This is a very fair argument. Who is interrupting who? Whom? Whom is interrupting whom? What's being interrupted is more to the point. Apparently the teacher got botox in...what country is she pointing to? Brazil? Is that student drinking a beer in class? This must be a European correspondence course.
The Simpsons were arguably the most beloved family in Illinois. That was until their father was tried but eventually acquitted of murdering his ex-wife and a bar owner. Then they became the most beloved family in all of the Midwest. On a side note, they all have jaundice of the liver, which explains their off-color.
What does it mean to be cool? Does it mean to practice your Buddy Holly impersonation in front of the mirror every morning before your B-complex shot and commuting to your job at the non-profit via public transportation? Some would say yes. I would say yes. What does it mean to be hot? You're very tall for starters. People think all abnormally tall people are abnormally hot.
Apparently, and I get this on very good authority, sports are still a thing. People talk about them regularly, as if they were discussing topics such as jazz music, Russian history, and neurobiology. They even make T-shirts about these sports. T-shirts that other people buy, with money they exchanged years of their lives to earn. I've heard sports are fun.
It is argued that Steven Hawking is the smartest man to believe in aliens. Aliens have taken notice, and watch him whenever he's on the TV. They try to avoid commercials, but right now they only have cable, so they go into the other room during the breaks. Sometimes they extinguish entire worlds with their ray guns while a QVC ad plays.
Ride-sharing has totally changed the world of transportation. It has even changed how we interact with our cars. Before people, particularly men, would objectify their cars, treat them like playthings. But now, they treat them like the humans they deserve to be treated like. Stuffing them with all kinds of treats in the cupholders, side panels. Playing their favorite music. It's a beautiful thing.