Look, I already feel bad for not going. I could do without the passive-aggressive reminders that I am a lazy, fat piece of s**t that would rather stay in bed and order Seamless than workout. Thanks for the jab in the heart though.
Men have it much easier at the gym than women do. Every time we’re on a machine the puts us in an “open” position, we get leered at. In fact, as a woman, you feel the constant male gaze on your body in every corner of the godforsaken place.
One of the most nauseating things at the gym are the “posers.” No, I’m not referring to people who pretend to be something they’re not. I’m talking about the guys who pose in the mirror, taking themselves in from every angle. This isn’t the Mr. Olympia competition, you dweeb. This is Planet Fatness (aka, Planet Fitness).
You don’t feel it right away, but the following morning, leg day will actually make you feel like a disabled person. Sitting on the toilet is a pain, walking down a flight of stairs is agonizing. You also feel really unsteady, like a newborn giraffe trying to walk for the first time.
If you work out and don’t post it to Facebook/Instagram, did it actually happen? I think not. People who constantly work on their physiques tend to be narcissists, and what do narcissists do? They post a lot of gym selfies.
You know, it’s a good thing he’s wearing that helmet. He’s about to come up on a really dangerous curve. I wonder if wearing the professional gear makes him feel more motivated. I know when I tell myself I’m going to go to the gym I buy all the cutest workout outfits. But, I only end up wearing them when I go grocery shopping...
Okay, I get that you want to introduce your kid to gym life at an early age. But this is an accident waiting to happen. What if you dropped the weights? What if your knees gave out? What if your rectum suddenly prolapsed? (That really happens … it’s super gross.) Your baby shouldn’t be anywhere near you with all those things being possibilities.
I don’t get the girls who get dressed up and put on a full face of makeup to just go to the gym. I don’t get it, but it’s something I see every time I’m there. This, on the other hand, is something completely different. I guess heels already put a strain on your butt, so it might be like an extra workout to wear them to the gym? It seems like a safety hazard, though.
I am so confused about what this woman is trying to accomplish here. The wheels are on the stationary side of the treadmill, so she is literally going nowhere. Plus, Segways are the antithesis of activity. You just stand there.
This is the only person in this entire list who is doing the gym the right way. A drink would make all the angst and awkwardness of the gym that much better. I’m pretty sure I’ve been unintentionally drunk at the gym before, and it wasn’t half bad.