The couple both swiped right on Tinder, and went out for dinner. Smith recalls the meal and conversation fondly, saying each enjoy the other's company. Not looking to curtail the evening, they retired to his home to continue the wooing ceremony.
The wooing ceremony, at least in Smith's book, involves wine and Scientology. More specifically, horrifying documentaries exposing the religion's corrupt mores and ways. At some point the date, who shall not be named out of propriety and we don't know it, went to the bathroom.
Well, that trip to the loo didn't turn out so well. Or, it would have if the date hadn't totally freaked out. She, like all humans and most mammals, heard the call of the wild and defecated in the toilet. When the turd failed to flush, she panicked. And threw it out the bathroom window.
Shame and guilt having crept into the date's mind, and she decided to alert Liam of her gaffe. He took the news rather well, all things considered. He thought it would be best to collect and clean up the dookie, and forget the thing ever happened.
But when his date informed him she tossed the turdy out the window, Liam put two and poo together: ah, but the bathroom window does not feed out into the garden. The way Liam's poorly-constructed dwelling is designed, there's a foot-and-a-half crevice between the bathroom window and a secondary window. That's where the poo went.
The crevice inaccessible, Liam would have to apply force if there was to be any hope of getting that doodey out alive. So he messaged the group chat containing all his flatmates, and inquired about the hammer and chisel. They couldn't have been happy; but then again, knowing Liam, they might not have been surprised.
With his appliances in hand, Liam proceeded to break his own window for the sake of some feces. It's like those fire alarms that say, "Break Glass In Case of Emergency." Well, there was glass, this was an emergency, and we're all going to die some day, so might as well clear out all the waste while we can.
The date, probably as a last ditch effort to regain her respect (yeah, right), she offered to reach for the poop herself down the crevice. But, as it would happen, the feculence was just out of reach. Liam offered to give his date a boost, and she descended down the smelly alley.
Liam watched his date dangle and wriggle upside down in the crevice for 15 minutes. That's when he decided 15 minutes is the amount of time a human being should suffer for their crimes against human decency. She been truly stuck, he had no other choice but to call the authorities.
The firemen had to break the window entirely with their fancy tools (much more sophisticated than hammer and chisel) in order to make a wide enough berth to get the date out of there. Of course, the damage totaled 300 pounds sterling. Hopefully Liam's date will cough it up.