When they walk all over your face in the middle of the night, they aren't just trying to snuggle. They are trying to see if you are still alive. Why do they want to know? Because if you were dead, they would take over your apartment and live happily ever after. Oh, and they would also eat your face.
Next time you go to the zoo, try to see things a little differently. Who is really looking at who here? Are you there to look at the animals or are they there looking at you? And if that's the case, then you should be getting paid to be there.
Maybe these gentle giants are only trying to protect those that are smaller than them. And maybe when they bite, it's not an attack, it's more of a nibble. And maybe when they kill... when they kill... I'm sure that they meant well, don't you think?
You may think that you are putting up a bird feeder, but you are wrong! What you are actually doing is feeding all the squirrels in the neighborhood. Good luck trying to get rid of them; you are on their turf now.
Who knew that whales have such a ridiculous sense of humor? Also, did you know that they are the only mammals to play the "Penis" game? Well, now you do! [Editor's note: There's something call the "Penis" game? Ya learn something new every day.]
You may get annoyed when your dog keeps barking, but what if they were trying to tell you the secret to life? What if their barks were them telling you the secrets to losing weight once and for all? Or them confessing who was the 2nd gunman on the grassy knoll? Or what your boyfriend said about you to his mother on the phone when you left for work the other morning? You better try decoding those barks.
What would you do if you knew that while you are now a lumpy and nerdy caterpillar, one day you would turn into a beautiful butterfly? And what would you do if you knew that your little worm friend wasn't going to be anything but a worm their whole life? Would you tell them or would you let them live in that lie? Who knew that caterpillars and worm talk could get so deep?
I'm sure you've heard that getting pooped on by a pigeon is good luck. And while pigeons have been pooping on people for generations and generations, only few are lucky enough to actually be pooped on. What an honor.
Bears have the right idea. They gorge on food. They stuff their mouths with delicious treats and then...they hibernate. They sleep and sleep and their bellies are full and they get all warm and cozy. Months later they emerge and have to live in the real world again. Don't you wish humans could do the same?