You guys broke up so they are supposed to be gone from your life, but you know they aren’t. Why? Because they are your friend on Facebook and you follow them on Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and more. You name it, they are on it. Day one you find yourself stalking them online to see how they are handling things. Get rid of them online you’ll find yourself stalking them all night and reopening the wound over and over again.
When you go through a breakup it’s easy to think about what you may have done wrong, or even question what even happened at all. It’s like breakup amnesia. You’ll go through your texts over and over again to see what you could have done differently. Hey! Erase the texts, put the phone down and move on! You’re better off without them.
There is nothing better than getting skinny during a breakup. That’ll teach them for breaking up with you, right?! So you use all that aggression and instead of slashing their tires, you get on the treadmill. It’s much healthier and you won’t go to jail for doing it. Everyone wins.
A breakup can lead to more time alone and this is not good for your eating habits, especially when you’re sad. Nobody is going to eat popcorn dipped in peanut butter or an entire block of cheese in one sitting when your significant other is around. So get out of the house and try to keep yourself busy or you will eat everything in sight, and you know it because you are probably already gorging as you are reading this.
When you are newly single you like to keep yourself busy and to go out a lot. You may need to attach to your friends for a little while and hold onto them for dear life so you are not alone. Just give them a heads up and try not to drink too much. Drinking leads to sadness and sadness leads to drunk texting and also leads to eating everything in sight. See #3 and #5 for more info.
Your mother is always right, and she never liked your ex anyway. Whenever you are having a weak moment you know that you can call mom and she will remind you why you guys broke up and what a jerk they were. No matter how old you are, your mommy will always be there for you.
8. Get Rid Of All The Things That Remind You Of Them
They relationship is over, so it’s time to get rid of some things. You put all the things that remind you of your ex and put them into a box and throw the box high up in your closet. Or better yet, throw them away. Special bonus points if you put all their stuff in a box and send it to them and make them pay for the delivery.
Your ex was the worst and you are SO much better off without them but you can’t help thinking about the good times. You remember that one time that they told you that they liked your outfit. Or that one time they held the door open for you. Or that one time they texted you back right away without making you wait a half of a day for a response. A couple of normal decencies do not a relationship make. Do you hear?
You are not going to let this split get the best of you. So you turn to Beyonce or Robyn or even heavy metal to lead the way. Anything to pump you up and make you sing or scream at the top of your lungs.
You hate your ex so you’ll trash talk them to anyone. The mailman, the masseuse, the dog walker at the park. By the time you are over this relationship, the entire town will know what a jerk your ex was. You’ll make sure of it!
You are single now, so it’s time to get back online. Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, Hinge. There are so many dating apps that it can be extremely overwhelming. Just be careful that you don’t see your ex also online. Use dating apps with caution, my friend.