I think we can all agree: work is the WORST. It's basically watching your soul die between cubicle walls over an 8-hour period. And you can't just leave, because then you'd get fired! And you need money to survive in this cruel world. Though the weekend exists to give you a sweet, yet brief, respite, it's almost not worth the long hours you spend in your personal jail cell, erm, cubicle. So here are a few things you can do to make your workday seem vaguely more bearable.
Having a cute cubicle can make the suicidal thoughts you have during your workday dissipate, at least for a while, so why not try to make your workspace prettier! Use colored paper from the copy room, print out photos of sunshine, repurpose old sticky notes into frames, get creative! If you're lucky, you'll have wasted 15 minutes and maybe even had some fun!
Even though you've probably read all the articles your Facebook friends post — don't try to lie, the amount of time you spend on Facebook is abhorrent — why not give those articles another read? You might even learn something new that you didn't notice in your first read through. I mean, probably not, but either way, being bored rereading another think piece is better than filing, or whatever dumb job you have.
Nothing sucks your time and energy like getting into heated Facebook debates. Obviously, nothing that happens on Facebook matters in the long run, but waiting for people to respond to your inflammatory remarks will give you something to look forward to during your day. Added bonus: spending so much time on your computer will make it look like you are actually working!
Your body is important to you, and it requires hydration to function correctly. JK you couldn't care less about your health. But making frequent trips to the water cool will give you a nice respite from your (newly decorated) cubicle walls. Try finding the tiniest cup in the office kitchen. That way, you'll drink your water faster and have to make even MORE trips to the water cooler. Also, drinking so much water will necessitate you making more bathroom trips, which means even MORE time not working! HOORAY!
You've run out of things to do, right? WRONG! Decorate your cubicle... Again! Throw away all your old decorations to make room for the new. Who cares that you just decorated literally 30 minutes ago. Try again! Make it better. Get even more creative! You got the time! It's not like you have anything else to do at work. Try making masking tape streamers, put up posters of your favorite 90s boy bands (N'SYNC, obviously), cut up your blazer to make a fun curtain! The more complex your decorations are, the longer you spend not working.
There's really not much left to do, so why not clean out your nose? Sure, this may seem gross but it buys you some privacy. No one wants to talk to the coworker who publicly picks their nose! And don't worry, no one can call you out on it. Did you hear about that guy who got fired for farting too much? Well, I read that headline and apparently he sued. So your coworkers and boss will be too scared to call you out on your grossness for fear of sparking an HR nightmare. Remember, picking your nose doesn't take too long, so really get in there to ensure you're wasting as much time as possible.
Sometimes, destruction is unavoidable, so just burn your cubicle down. (Save your N'SYNC poster, obviously.) Everyone can agree that working makes you crazy, so no one can blame you for this "crime", right? Just in case, you'll probably want to lie low for a while, so why not take an exotic vacation? Preferably somewhere with no cell phone reception. Hey, you deserve it for working so hard.