Well, truth be told I think arachnophobia should also fall under the category of “common sense.” But yes, a fear of chainsaws should be a pretty healthy fear for anybody who prefers to not be cut up into a million pieces. Well, maybe Vanessa watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre one too many times as a kid.
Honestly, it is probably the most boring subject ever. Who cares how many squats you did? But you realize the people who talk about their workouts are the same people who post gym selfies on Instagram. Well, they say a picture is worth a thousand words…so shut up.
The deconstructed pants these days are just getting ridiculous. Kylie Jenner made a**-rip jeans a trend in 2016, and may that trend RIP. Seriously, if you want a pair of ripped jeans just don’t take them off for a year while doing some hard labor.
Chuck Noland’s relationship with Wilson is better than any relationship I’ve had with a man in my life, especially in the conversation department. Actually, the Castaway relationship was better than every single teenage love story there ever was.
Oh, when that s**t happens you think your life is over. You automatically think there is a great white beneath you, ready to take a bite out of your midsection. Actually, I also thought there was a great white in the deep end at the public pool as a kid.
I think I spend too much money on my cat. I can’t even begin to imagine what a baby would do to my already dismal bank account. Not to mention they are a huge emotional burden; every two minutes you’re worried that they’re choking on something or making a mud pie out of their feces.
Actually, just one of those circles usually signifies that the person is the most obnoxious human you will ever meet. The combination of all three may make you want to jump straight into oncoming traffic. You won’t be able to deal with just how “aware” they are.
“Cool” is another one of those “please stop f***ing talking to me” code words. You would think by now that people could sense when the text conversation has hit a brick wall. No, no, some just keep going.
Even though you put out your feelers, eight out of ten times you’re going to run straight into your nightstand, knock over a glass of day-old water and curse profusely. You also manage to stub your toe somehow. We never learn.
Yes, quicksand seemed like it would be something I needed to prepare for in my adult life. Oh wait, my adult life is kind of like quicksand. I’m slowly sinking into a black hole, and the more I fight back, the deeper I sink. Yep, never mind. It’s not something you can prepare for.
You would think that by now, men with micropenises would stop buying massive fuel-guzzling cars because women know what it represents. If you’ve got the money to spend on that monstrosity of a vehicle, why don’t you spend it on charity, so the new slogan for poorly endowed men could be “small d**k, big heart.”