Pictured here is the before and after of the first day of kindergarten. Bet the kid accepts his fate now. Not many his age already have life figured out.
Not like this kid. They're much earlier in the stages of grief. They're stuck in phase two of anger and want you and everyone else to know they're not moving on from it.
"Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here. Well, it all started..."
Sometimes less is more. For example, this woman got promoted. Turns out she hasn't messed up an assignment in weeks somehow.
I mean, the Cold War ended right around the time Taylor Swift was born. Think that was a coincidence? Probably, but how can you be sure?
"Well, this wasn't the best parking job I've ever seen. But, you didn't hit the cone. So congratulations, you've passed the driving test."
Google Maps will soon make parking a whole lot easier. They're adding a feature letting you know where you can park. Unfortunately, they're not letting you know where you should park.
Imagine being pulled over by this officer:
"Yeah, I was driving five over the speed limit. But at least I didn't spray gasoline all over a bunch of confused civilians."
"Okay, so what did we learn, Rookie?"
"Um... it's a sedan, not a submarine."
"Very good, Rookie. You'll make chief someday... assuming we survive this."
"We're sorry, we can't help. Turns out the officers on duty are stuck in the same situation as you."
"Ugh, Jimmy's on shift, isn't he?"
"I see you've met him before."
This is one greedy shark. When you take a taste, it's supposed to just be a nibble. You don't unhinge your jaw to sample it, you sea hog.
Was this from the same shark? Seriously, first bites should be tiny. Let this be a lesson to you and to us all.
You think you hate Mondays? That's all beer. This person could definitely use some relaxation techniques... that involve a lot of beer.
"Ah, the weekend is finally here. I've been waiting for days to enjoy my first sip of freedom. Now let me just open this can and-"
[Swearing can be heard from three counties away.]
Being vice president is a stressful job. Now that he's off, Joe Biden is taking the longest, most well-deserved three-day weekend ever. Though, to be honest, even at work, he still treated most days like a three-day weekend.