shaftautopump must've done his best to remain anonymous after this one:
"Filled the coffee maker, put in fresh coffee and water, left the jug sitting on top of the machine. Got an all staff email later saying, "Someone's flooded the kitchen with coffee, the machine is out of action until it dries.""
Whapwhaaap probably had some explaining to do for why their sheets were damp:
"I had a glass of water in my right hand and my phone in my left. I walked into my bedroom and tossed my phone onto my bed. Except I didn't, I threw the glass of water instead. I was very very tired. Unfortunately my lack of sleep then became the reason I couldn't go to bed.
I just sort of stood there and gawped at my own stupidity."
"It was winter, and having arrived home from a heavy day at work at about 6 PM I went straight to bed for a nap. Woke up about an hour later, saw 7:20 on the clock, panicked thinking I was going to be late for work, hurriedly got dressed and drove to work. Was confused why it was all locked up when I got there, then looked at my watch which told me it was PM, not AM. Drove home in shame."
Taqwacore wasn't about to let a car thief get away:
"I was maybe 18 years old at the time when I saw this dude get into a car that looked exactly like mine. There weren't many cars like mine and it was a weird colour, so when I saw this dude getting into the car and driving off, I thought he had stolen my car. So I got into a car chase and drove after him.... think about it.
After a couple of blocks and honking the horn, it dawned on me... I'm driving my car!"
"I accidentally shaved my beard. When I wake up in the morning I'm on autopilot until I'm out the front door, and part of my morning routine is trimming my beard. Normally the trimmer attachment for the length I like is not attached when I start using the trimmer, so the first thing I do is attach it. For some reason the day before I had left it on the trimmer, and my brain, knowing that there was a step between picking up the trimmer and turning it on, but not caring what that step is, apparently decided that I should take the attachment off before turning the damn thing on. I was two passes in before I fully woke up and realized I'd just taken a massive chunk out of my beard and there was no going back at that point."
"Was cleaning out my desk when a problem student turned up with his final essay that would allow him to graduate. I absent-mindedly took it, said a very unenthusiastic, "thanks" and threw it in the bin. Poor guy visibly teared up as he was leaving before I realized what I had done. Never ran as fast before to catch up with him."
"Once met some friends at a restaurant a few blocks from my house. I drove and parked on the street right in front of the place. After we ate, we walked over to Dairy Queen, walking right past my car in the process. I then proceeded to walk home from Dairy Queen. Got home and thought it was strange that my car wasn't in the driveway..."