#news
Editorial: Did Ted Cruz Just Climb Out of Anyone Else's TV?

If this just happened to you, please comment so I can know if I should be freaking out, or if it's like "whatever".

Wow! These Kids Learned to Read by Reading to This Tire Fire

"Kids need to learn how to read, and someone's got to read to our city's giant tire fire, so we put two and two together."

The Names and Hobbies of 6 Turkeys Who will be Eaten this Thanksgiving

Gobble up some facts about some about-to-be-dead Turkeys!

10 Starbucks Christmas Cups That Totally Nailed It

Checkmate Starbucks!

The Five Foods That Make Up Every Food Drive

Oh great, everyone loves canned pumpkin.

11 Surefire Ways to Identify a Member of the Illuminati

Can you name any members of the Illuminati?

11 Things We've Learned From Donald Trump's New Book

Did you know he was named Baby Dump Jr and wrote six Goosebumps books!? Whoa!

Surprise Surprise: Harvard Research Study Shows Sarcasm is Good for Your Health

We could have told you that.

Model Employee: British News Reporter Has Off Script Freak Out Live On The Air

Finally some real news.

Taco Bell's Exciting New Menu Items

Really, the most authentic Mexican food around.

Opinion: I Bet Bernie Sanders Smells Awful

What garbage do you think Bernie Sanders smells like?

Racially Sensitive UCLA Students Wear Blackface to "Kanye West" Party

Great idea UCLA students!

Genius Phones Police Because He's 'Too High' Found in Pile of Doritos and Cookies

Airbus Patents Double Decker Plane Seats, Proving They Care

Who wouldn't want to fly like this?

NRA Excited About 204th Opportunity to Dodge the Issue

The spinning wheel they use to place blame is getting a lot of work this year.