Recently, users of Reddit opened up and shared... far too much, frankly. They divulged their "we will never speak of this again" moments, such as Berrybeak for example:
"Walked in on future mother-in-law while she was on the toilet taking a dump. Shedidattempt to address it shortly afterward but I managed to shut it down and we have never spoken of it since. Because that's how we do things in Britain."
"I was six and we were moving. There was an electrical socket I had never seen before. I had a paperclip. It looked like it fit right in, and it did! I had a shock in my whole hand, but fortunately dropped the paperclip out of the light socket quickly enough so that nothing else happened. I went upstairs and told my mom that my hand felt funny after I'd stuck a paperclip in a socket.
She told me never to tell my dad, because it'd upset him to think that I could have been killed due to my own stupidity without his being there to protect me (I'm an only child, was a sickly baby and am still a daddy's girl thanks to that). It's been 30 years and Istillhaven't told him!"
After being saved, Sgt_Walberg should have kissed his friend for real:
"When my best buddy and I were still in high school we decided to go up an old mountain road and do some underage drinking in his car. We were up there for a while and all of a sudden we see head lights behind us. Fearing it was a cop, we hid the beer and my friend looks over to me and says, 'Just follow my lead.'
Turns out it was a cop. We rolled down the windows and he asked what we were up to this late at night up in the mountains. I'm sitting in the passenger seat freaking out hoping he can't smell any of the beer. My friend looks over at the cop and in the calmest voice says, 'It's our two year anniversary tonight and we were trying to get away from everything.'
He then reaches over, picks up my hand and kisses the back of it. The cop looked at us for another few seconds and told us to have a nice and safe night. Just another couple of gay boys enjoying themselves up in the mountains at 1 AM."
Having "the talk" with your kids may be uncomfortable, but do it so they don't end up like ZoinksSpooked:
"When I was nine I had a friend, Donna. Donna was a little more mature than I was. She brought up sex. The only thing I knew about sex was that it was bad because of an abstinence only billboard that was up by my grandma's house. I told her that it was bad and she said, 'It's how you make babies, stupid.'
So naturally she proposes we have sex. We were in our underwear and tee shirts. She leaned in to kiss me and I pulled away. Nothing of any sexual nature happened but she said, 'That was it, we had sex.' So I feared for weeks I was pregnant and woke up in the middle of night sobbing to my mom that I was pregnant and I had sex with Donna. She explained that's not how any of that worked. My mom and I have never mentioned it again in the past eleven years since."
Seriously, talk to your kids. KMApok is another casualty of misinformation and too much imagination:
"Growing up, we were poor and as a teen I didn't really have access to porn or what not, but I was quite a writer.
So I would write exotic fiction as a....release, in a spiral. Well, one day after writing a particularly sordid story, I kinda 'came to' and realized I shouldn't leave that stuff around. I went to the kitchen, intending to throw the spiral away. I set it down, got a drink, the phone rang, I answered... And left the spiral in the kitchen, forgotten.
An hour later my mother comes to me with the spiral and "questions".
I won't get into it but she described how a lot of my stories wouldn't really ever happen and were a bit extreme. She threw it away and it never came back up."
It's always important to knock. Unfortunately for XyloArch, not all rooms have doors:
"Walked in on a close family member masturbating in the living room. They saw that I saw. Immediately left to deal with something else, came back and asked how their day had been. They said, 'Good thanks.'"
Some folks think ahead and subtly ask you to give them advanced warning. Sadly, saltedbatwings didn't pick up what their friend was putting down:
"Roommate told me to text him when I got home so we could smoke a cigarette. I thought, 'That's dumb. He'll be able to clearly hear me coming home.' So I knocked on his bedroom door and waltzed in, only to see him taking a d*** pic or masturbating, I'm still not sure which. He jolted up and said something along the lines of 'woah hey' and I just said 'uhh hi' and then we went outside and smoked a cigarette."
Of course, it's not only kids getting caught in compromising situations. rootednewt knows all too well parents have these... needs... as well:
"My dad found out how to stream videos from his phone to the TV. He was testing it out and 16 year-old me asks to have a go. I scroll randomly through all these untitled videos he has in his phone and click on one. The dirtiest, filthiest porn pops up on the TV in front of both of us and I just hand him the phone and walk out. Never spoke about this since."
If you're a guy frustrated at being in the "friend zone," teslavenger is happy to inform you why hooking up with a friend can get messier than you think:
"A close friend and I had just gone through break-ups and were drinking a lot that week out of depression. One night we end up cuddling to a movie. Things get intimate. Hot, passionate, messy sex ensues all over a suede couch.
We awoke in the morning and without speaking, grabbed cleaning supplies, scrubbed the hell out of the couch, then clothed ourselves and went to work. Since then we had a laugh about it but we agreed never to bring it up again. We remain great friends."
lilguy78 was happy to find out he wasn't alone, but also wasn't happy someone else knew what he had done:
"A friend and I got super high in his garage. We started talking about previous sexual conquests and we realize we each had an experience with our cousins early on in life. We looked at each other, finished our session and promptly agreed that that was a secret we took to our grave."
Remember earlier how these shameful stories were all about bodily excretions? Well, there are a lot more. Take it away, spicycrabroll13:
"So I am in high school and got trashed at a party. Some how I made it home. In the middle of the night I drunkenly wander into my parents bedroom, sit on my Dad's hamper and take a good, long pee. My dad woke up in the middle of it and pushed me back into my room. I wake up in the morning and go to the living room and see Dad. He starts cracking up and told me what happened. Said we won't tell anyone and to go upstairs and clean out his hamper. Ended up having to buy him a new hamper. My mom never said anything about it so I have no idea if she knew.
My dad passed away about 10 years ago. Since that time my mom told me a story about my dad getting drunk one night shortly after they were married and she woke up in the middle of the night to see him peeing in his hamper.
Apparently, I am totally my father's daughter. And have still never told anyone about it."
Zsuth reminds us to always bring hand-sanitizer and napkins with you everywhere you go:
"I was on a road trip with a buddy. We were heading to a three day music fest in Tennessee. We drove through the night and were making good time. He was driving and asked me to take the wheel for a second.
He grabbed a Gatorade bottle, unzipped, and started peeing in the bottle. I was a bit uncomfortable with my hand six inches above his exposed member, but we were going 75 mph and his foot was on the gas. We had more pressing concerns, is my point.
He finishes up, and in one swift motion, rolls down the window and lifts the Gatorade bottle toward the window to dump it.
"Wait what are you do-"
Imagine a full bottle of warm pee filling up the entire interior of a car like a fine aerosol spray in a split second.
That's what 75 mph wind blowing inward does to a bottle of liquid trying to go outward. I learned that the hard way.
Of course it got in my mouth. But that wasn't the worst of it. It was clogging my ears like I had been swimming. It was stinging my eyes. It went so far up my nose that I sneezed it out. Twice.
We looked at each other, dripping pee.
All I could say was, 'Damn it, dude.'
He turned on the A/C after a time. Pee droplets blew out onto us. It was dripping on us from the ceiling of the car.
We rode for a long time in silence.
Do you know what a person and the interior of a car covered in pee smells like after being in 103 degree heat for three days and no means to wash up?
Finally, with an account name like "throwawaaaay4444," you know this story is going to be extra embarrassing, considering how anonymous this person wants to remain:
"When I was around 12 years old my family was on vacation somewhere. Sleeping arrangements: me/mom on one bed and brother/dad on the other. Except my dad had this annoying habit of getting in bed and cuddling with mom in the morning. Eww.
Anyways. One night, I had a very vivid dream. I dreamed that my period started and the blood wasgushing. Like, holy hell, there was so much blood, you guys. And in the dream, I was running to the toilet to try to contain the blood.
PLOT TWIST: Pee dream got the best of me. I woke up a few minutes latersoakedin pee. I'm pretty sure my mom and dad felt it too. And my pajamas stank like pee for the rest of our trip.
No one said anything about it.
P.S. I am so, so sorry for any hotel cleaning people who have to deal with this stuff every day."