As humans we like to give other things human qualities. We pretend our dogs and cats have elaborate human emotions in reactions to things, and even fake that they're talking back to us. But whatever you do, don't personify your toilet paper. You'll never go to the bathroom again.
You know how we said don't personify toilet paper if you ever want to peacefully visit the restroom ever again? Okay, don't do it with paper towels either. Think about all those awful messes that they have to clean up.
Look at that happy little earth. He's so cute. We're glad he can celebrate Earth Day. We're just going to go to the store in our gas-guzzling cars and buy him a present we're going to wrap in paper for an hour then throw away.
This is sort of like the motorcycle who takes up the entire space in a full parking lot. You're driving along and you get all excited when you think you see the empty spot, just to see the motorcycle parked there. This is basically the same thing. Think there's an empty plug? Think again.
Have you ever been eating something and you realized you don't even like it? But you're not going to stop. You're going to keep going, because you're bored and your brain says you should. That makes total sense.
This is actually probably how grandmas act now. Let's face it, if someone doesn't have their birthday on Facebook, is it even their birthday? How are we expected to remember the birthdays of our closest 1,000 friends?
Gosh, someone open up a window. Wait, don't. Please don't. Because then we're going to be hopelessly chasing a fly for the next week until it finally passes on into fly heaven. But not before it lands on every single piece of food in the house.
It's mirror-ception. Who can say who's who? You know you've put two mirrors together and pretended you've just opened a portal to another universe. No? We're the only ones who have done that? Alright, moving on.
You know the time will come when you have to set your kid down and have a heart to heart with them regarding the way life works. Just make sure you don't put up any walls when you do it. See what we did there? Sorry.
We know that spiders are smart. We swear they can feel us watching them. We move to get a newspaper or something to get it out of our house with and boom! It's gone into hiding. We're onto you, spiders. We know what's up.