After a conflicted primary season, the GOP has finally settled on Garbor the Long Island Garbage Monster as its nominee for President of the United States.
Wisconsin voter Eric Barnes said, "I just think that of all of the available candidates, he was the best choice."
Garbor the Long Island Garbage Monster won over voters by embracing fiscal conservatism while maintaining a moderate stance on immigration. He also ranked significantly higher in "likability" then all of the other GOP candidates. Though Garbor may be a monster made of literal garbage, he also ranked second place in the "scent" category, with most voters preferring his garbage odor to the scents of Ted Cruz and Donald Trump.
Eric Barnes added, "I didn't think I'd be voting for a Long Island Garbage Monster this primary season, but with the state of the race being where it is, here we are."