"Not so much stupid as much as it was goddamned hilarious. My wife and I (both professors) were crossing the quad after a meeting. A very frantic girl runs across campus, yelling into the phone, '...just delete the really naked ones.'
It's my go-to ridiculous student story and I never even knew her name."
RPMI1640 shared a story about a student's creative essay response.
"Here's a story from one of my husband's colleagues: After an exam, a student told the professor, 'I didn't know the answers to the essay questions, so I made up my own essay questions and answered them.' The professor replied, 'That's the stupidest thing I ever heard, and when I go to lunch, I'm going to tell all my friends.'"
"I had a three hour class my first semester of college. About 2 hours in the girl next to me loudly asked what class this was. The professor, who was just interrupted, stared at her for a second and then answered. She said 'oh my god I thought this was my math class' and left quickly. It was a human sexuality class. She sat there for two hours before asking. The professor called her a dumbass, and we all laughed about it for a good ten minutes."
Hwy30 knew a student who needed to brush up on her geography.
"I was in an American Foreign Policy class, and on the first day of class the professor asks, 'What is the capital of Canada?' After a couple of incorrect guesses at Toronto and Montreal, one girl blurts out 'Albuquerque?' The professor looks at her and says 'Albuquerque? As in Albuquerque, New Mexico?' He got a good kick out of it, and on every test the rest of the semester, there was a multiple choice question asking for the capital of Canada, with Albuquerque as one of the choices."
"Not me but a colleague. 2 students came to see him during office hrs with a complaint: 'Your exams discriminate against students who can't think.' He swears that's a direct quote. I think they must've meant to say something like, '...can't think under pressure,' but that's not how it came out.
Out of morbid curiosity he asked them what their major was. Answer: 'We're both pre-med.' Yeah, you might wanna rethink that plan, kids...."
"TA for a glassblowing class my university has. So my school is very STEM focused, like 70% engineering majors, so there isn't a lot of artistic talent among us but some people are really bad. So I had one guy who was struggling and no matter what I did he just wasn't getting it, his pieces where generally very small, sloppy, asymmetrical, etc. So for his final he hands in this beautiful vase, cool colors, symmetric, nice size and weight. Well the professor was looking it over and giving her compliments except one problem. She had made it a few days before and it went missing from the shelf were we put pieces while we wait for people to pick them up. So the guy tries to turn in a piece made by the actual professor."
Montegarde told a story about a student who just really didn't understand.
"Not me, but my aunt has taught college and high school-level history courses.
She once assigned a paper on something to do with the role of rhetoric in the Roman Empire. I don't remember the exact wording of her assignment, but it was something to this effect. A student, completely and entirely missing the point of the assignment, and possibly of the English language in general, spun an elaborate paper of the fictional life and military and political career of a Roman soldier, named Rhetoric.
My aunt still has the paper somewhere. It's a hoot."
"In the first semester I ever taught freshman composition, I had a student who:
came to my office hours drunk,
submitted a formal essay with a cover page that had his name and the course information written on it in different magic markers, and
submitted another formal essay printed on five pages of fanfold, tractor-feed printer paper with the tractor guides still attached, the pages not separated from each other, and with a staple in the upper left corner. Think about that for a moment.
Hunter_Meister79 knew of a student who received an unimaginably poor score on a test.
"I was a graduate TA for an architectural history class last semester, and this one lovely student who got a 2/100 on his final exam (yes you read that correctly) informed me or the professor rather that "This class was way to f**king hard, and you expect way too f**king much of us. I obviously failed this class so f**k you and see you next semester." This was his written answer to the last essay question in a class that he is required to take as an architecture major with the only professor that teaches it."