"I used to work in Child Services, and knew a few kids who were 'returned.' I actually agreed with the parents in some of those cases. In a couple of cases, the parents really shouldn't have adopted a kid that was known to be troubled," begins a user on Reddit. They're responding to the question that was posed:
"In one of them, they found out their adopted son (who had been very badly sexually abused himself) was raping his sister and there was indications that he was molesting their twin toddlers. They actually remained involved in his life after he was placed by in the care of state - they still cared about him, but didn't feel the other kids in the house were safe," continues Nikcara.
That's a true adoption horror story. At least they remained involved in his life - which is better than can be said about some of the parents on this list.
It makes sense that Nikcara would have a lot of stories about nightmare stories with children, considering they worked in Children Services.
"Another boy's family decided to return him to the care of the state when one day they came home to find he shattered the toilet with a hammer and was caught raping the family dog. He also creeped out the couple's teenage daughter to the point where she was threatening to run away to get away from him (to our knowledge he never did anything to her)," Nikcara shared.
"I knew of a few others, but those two stood out the most. Bear in mind that I also worked with very disturbed boys, so I didn't meet the kids that were returned because the parents were crazy," said Nikcara of the two previous stories.
"One of the sadder ones to me was a kid who had been abused in every way possible and a kind, but very naive, couple adopted him. They didn't listen to any advice we tried to give them because they knew that "love conquers all" and figured that if they were just nice enough he would be all better in a few months or maybe a year. They thought at the high end, after 2 years he would be a normal kid. They weren't prepared for his baggage at all. My understanding was that he did get better after some years with them, but after a while they just gave up and gave him back. It destroyed him, and any progress he made vanished." We guess the life lesson here is to give up and give your kids back.
"I had a neighbor named Melissa. She was about my age (8ish) and her brother was slightly older, Giovanni. I remember when they moved in because her baby brother was named Kermit and I thought that was extremely bizarre. She was eccentric to say the least," starts out another user, autumnx.
"My mom let her come over pretty much whenever she wanted during the summer because she always seemed to be ignored by her parents. Giovanni used to come over too but I remember he would leave a lot to go run errands with his parents or for dinner. Whenever I asked her if she had to go, she said she couldn't eat what they could or go with them anywhere."
Alright, sounds a little weird, right? But nothing could possibly go wrong, obviously. A family not letting their eight-year-old daughter eat or go with them anywhere couldn't lead to a sad ending at all.
"They basically shushed her out of the house. It was concerning so I told my parents. My mom tried making friends with her mom several times but the woman was just cold. Anyway, turns out Melissa was adopted. I'm not sure how my mom found out," continues autumnx.
"But I remember coming home from school one day and Melissa wasn't there. She normally waited outside of my house. A week or more went by, still didn't come over. Our neighborhood was very gossipy, but someone found out that they gave her back because she was chatty and they originally wanted all boys. Her family moved out shortly after this."
Well, if you weren't already done for the day, there you have it. Next time you want all boys in your family, maybe don't go out and adopt a girl. Not a big deal at all, or anything.
"My chemistry teacher in high school did this. She was unable to bear children for whatever reason, so she looked into adoption. She was obviously very excited and shared the news with her students - there was a very young mother (like a pregnant teenager) who was looking to give her child to her. After she was born, she brought in pictures of her new daughter to class and we spent the first couple of minutes sharing that moment, before we returned to balancing equations and other chemistry stuff," starts off yakusoN8.
"Well, it turns out that in the adoption process, the birth mother has something like 60 days to change her mind and null the contract and ask for her child back - something which both parties sign off on."
Yeah, this one isn't going where you think it's going. It's not too late to turn back. You can live your life happily if you do.
"On day 59, the birth mother changes her mind, insists that she wants her kid now, so my teacher had to return her daughter.
The next day, she came to school as composed as one can be after such a traumatic event, but we all could tell she obviously had been crying before she started her lecture and barely made it through the period without breaking down and running away in class," said yakusoN8.
"I don't want to vilify the birth mother too much, but she really did wait until almost the last minute to change her mind and my teacher surely thought this was all but a done deal. I can't imagine the heartbreak at returning home to an empty crib."
We hope that chemistry teacher found another child to adopt, from someone who didn't change their mind on the 59th day. We still really don't like chemistry, though. Maybe that's what changed their minds.
"My little sister is actually friends with a girl whose family 'returned' their adopted daughter. I'm not too clear on all the details, but this is what I know:
The parents adopted this girl when she was in middle school, so she was well beyond the essential developmental years. They kept her for several years, but it is to my understanding that she bullied their biological daughters into eating disorders. It was behavior like that that ended up pushing the family into giving her back," detailed jedeh.
This is a family that kept the receipt, we guess. We're kidding, because this is terrible, and that's the only way we know how to deal with these things.
"The weird thing is, if anyone ever mentions the un-adopted sister to her, my sister's friend will completely deny her ever having existed. Probably some weird coping mechanism, seeing as this adopted sister caused her to develop an eating disorder.
The family who sent the girl back has a reputation of being an extremely kind, loving, Christian family. If this is true, the girl's behavioral problems had to have been pretty awful. That must be a really hard decision to make if your heart is in the right place.
Or you could just be an insensitive asshole who had no business looking into adopting in the first place.
Edit: they adopted the girl from the U.S., so she wasn't sent back overseas. It is my sister's understanding that she is in foster care now," said jedeh.
Let's hope she's done bullying kids into having eating disorders, or else she's going to cause destruction wherever she goes.
"My mom adopted the 2 children of a childhood friend. I was a toddler and she was pregnant with my birth sister, but she adopted a 6 yr old boy and infant girl. My mom had lived in foster care and wanted to help these kids avoid it. Both kids were diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder (the "Russian orphan" disorder), probably because their mother had a severe drug problem. The mother would leave my brother sleeping in the car while she stripped, my sister exhibited withdrawal symptoms until she was 6 mos old, etc," begins that-1kid.
Yes, as you can tell, this one is not off to a good start. And keeping with the theme of this post, it's not the most amazing ending either.
"My mom kept my brother for a year and my sister for 7 years before putting them up for re-adoption through a private agency. My brother dislocated a baby's arm, my sister was expelled from kindergarten and had a fascination with her own feces, and they both experimented with fire. Lots of inpatient and outpatient therapy didn't seem to help. My dad moved out. My mom was a single parent with 2 other small children. She gave my adopted siblings up.
It took me years to forgive my mom. I know she did what she thought was best and she really tried. My brother was adopted by a cool couple that did him a lot of good, my sister was adopted by hardcore Christians who cut off contact with us. Honestly, found her on MySpace a few years ago and she's still kind of a hot mess. Gave her own kid up for adoption and quickly got pregnant again.
I think in a situation like that, nobody gets to be the good guy," concluded that1-kid, who made a throwaway account to tell their story. We think the only good guy in this situation is MySpace.
"When I was in middle school, some family friends adopted a boy a year or so younger than me. They already had 3 biological kids of their own, one of which was a girl a little older than me.
They ended up quietly returning him after caring for him about 8 months. He was in therapy, but often threatened to burn down the house, rape their daughter, and frequently stole and hurt the family pets. Sometimes he had days when he would be completely kind and caring, and others when he tried to kill the cat.
I guess they were in a position of putting their other kids at risk by keeping him. I know the mom still wonders if she should have done things differently," said thatonechicksheschool. We bet the cat is pretty happy about their decision, though.
Leon747 tells this story about a girl in school they once knew. "There was this girl in school who got into A LOT of trouble for stealing her parents' money and buying lots of chocolate, expensive gifts, and the like. It was her way to get our attention. We were 11. We knew this was weird, but we were given a lot of free stuff, so we'd just stay quiet (and munch on the expensive, imported chocolate).
Two months later, I moved out, so I lost contact with old friends. Years later, I asked what happened to the girl, and I was told she was 'given back.' I wasn't even aware that she was adopted, but I heard that despite getting into massive trouble for stealing family money once, she did the same thing later.
She did look kinda crazy, the look of hers. Nevertheless, I was shocked. I didn't even know you can 'return' a kid."
So, the lesson from this story? Just keep eating that chocolate. Don't question where it came from.
One user had something hopeful to say in the midst of all these terrible stories.
"My husband and I have adopted four beautiful children through foster care, and we love them and they are wonderful, wonderful kids. Sweet and kind and smart and hard working and affectionate. We had some rough times to begin with, of course, but even biological children can be rough for the first nine months! Don't think you can't do this just because of a few horror stories. It's totally possible, and worth it!" said brokebackhill.
So, there you have it. A ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. There is still hope in this world.