There are many unanswered questions in this world. Do aliens really exist? Does God exist? What did Solange scream at Jay-Z in the elevator? Why do men love bjs so much? Well, I can’t answer these questions for you but, one guy has proven to women around the world just how far men will go to get a bj.
It started with a text message. A couple were talking and the guy must have asked his girlfriend for the millionth time to consider giving him a bj. It clearly wasn’t the first time she was asked because her answer was seriously elaborate.
“I want a persuasive essay with a strong thesis statement written in MLA format on why I should suck your d**k,” this girl texted back. Now, some men would think it’s much easier to just find another girl who’s willing to do it but this guy is loyal. His answer? “I’ll f**king do it.” The paper is truly epic.
A Short but Thorough Analysis on Why You Should Blow Me
The essay starts with: “To blow, or not to blow? This is a parody of a well-echoed Shakespearean proverb that gauges the pros and cons and consequential successes and failures (the latter of which is indisputably improbable) of giving me a blowjob. As the author, whom hence forth will be referred to for general commentary as I or me, have taken a contrarian stance on the hyperbolized disadvantages of giving me a blowjob, I will, in strictly heterosexual dialogue, support my argument by addressing the benefits of having my skin flute played orally.”
“The aforementioned benefits are as follows: increased receptivity for the blowing of the other partner, positive increase on women's self-esteem, and the enrichment of intimacy between men and women who partake in oral sex. It goes without saying that in order to be healthy; a person must eat well, exercise moderately, sleep a generous amount, and last but not least, have regularly sex. there is overwhelming evidence supported by countless scientists that links the performance of sex to better health.”
“But where does oral sex benefit me? Why should you blow me? I'm not selfish, and this excerpt from The Evolution of Sexuality from Oakland University proves that blowing me is not only beneficial to me, but for you as well…” Things are turning way scientific.
He quotes: “Men who report performing more mate retention behaviors, in particular, also report greater interest in, and more time spent, performing oral sex on their female partner. Likewise, women who report performing more benefit-provisioning mate retention behaviors also report greater interest in, and more time spent, performing oral sex on their male partner—but this relationship is stronger for men.”
“Performing the act of fellatio on your amazing boyfriend surely includes you in the beneficiary. Recent studies and polls have found that there is indeed a correlation concerning the frequency of knob gobbling and a woman's improved self-esteem. According to the June 2011 issue of The Journal of Adolescent Health, researchers at John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Health conducted a poll, of which the results found that sexual pleasure augments healthy psychological and social development.”
“Researcher Adena Galinsky, Ph.D.'s studies in the poll concluded that the receiving and performing of oral sex improved a woman's self-esteem, autonomy, and empathy. Isn't sucky fucky amazing?” Yes, thanks for that last bit, he was losing me to science.
“The frequency of oral sex and intimacy goes hand in hand. I uncontestably declare that sex with foreplay will always eclipse sex lacking thereof.” He’s really saying everything that needs to be said to convince his girl, that’s for sure!
“Here's what journalist Gigi Engel from Elite Daily has to say; 'If you're giving a blowjob, you're serving this other person with no guarantee that you'll receive the same satisfaction. You're giving up your pleasure — and perhaps suffering some discomfort — for the sake of making someone else happy. You're valuing another person's pleasure above your own.’”
“Giving me a blowjob is thus proven to encourage a healthier sexual emotional state. These three points are fuelled by both reason and logic, and in my opinion, are substantial evidence to the welfare of my dick. In conclusion, I plead with to whom this essay is explicitly written, that you should smoke my penis. The end.”
No word yet on whether the guy managed to convince his girlfriend. She did, however, confirm at one point that the two have been dating for a year. On Twitter, she also says that she plans to marry this guy. So, yes, the intimacy is there already but as this guy would argue, it would be stronger with a bj on occasion.
Is this essay enough to convince you of changing your mind on giving bjs? Hey, if for nothing else, this guy has made the act seem more scientific and important. Rather than what it is for most women — a nuisance.