You think you know yourself better than anyone else, right? You know how good that butt looks in those jeans, you know every one of your flaws and how that makeup looks on your face. But how could you, when you’ve never really seen your face and you never will? You have seen your reflection and your face in pictures but you have never seen what you actually look like.
Try to imagine a new color right now. Where does your brain go to? I see red. Try again. Now I see green. Now I see brown. Now yellow. Now orange. Keep trying and you’ll see that you won’t be able to imagine a new color because it’s just not possible.
What is your tongue doing right now? I’m going to guess that it is lightly touching the roof of your mouth or even just floating mid-mouth. Now try to rest it on the bottom of your mouth and you’ll see that you have to use effort and muscle to keep it down. That tongue is always working. Take a break, girl.
Something is always touching you and will always be touching you for the rest of your life. Laying on the couch, standing on the ground, even jumping in the air naked, you can’t escape it. Yes air is matter and it is always touching you. It’s like the little brother you never wanted.
A baby is born in California at 10:00pm PST and another baby in New York is born at the same time at 1:00am EST. Even though they were born at the same exact time, they don’t share a birthday because of the different time zones. Stupid time zones.
10. A Priest, A Rabbi And A Monk Walk Into A Bar...
I bet every time you hear a "___ walks into a bar joke" you think of the same bar. Mine is a dive bar with old tattered bar stools, bad florescent lights in the windows and a sad town drunk in the corner. What does you bar look like?
Yea, I don’t want to think about being older either but think about this. The graduating class of 2017 is younger than The Simpsons by almost a decade. Where does the time go? You are old. I am old. We are all oh so very old.
Currency paper is 25 percent linen and 75 percent cotton so why is it worth so damn much? Because we said so, that’s why. So, if I said my apartment was worth a gazillion dollars, could I get someone to purchase it for that much? Is that how this works?
Did you know that every map you’ve ever seen is wrong. Here’s a typical map overlaying a Galls-Peters projection map, which the actual sizes of Earth’s land masses. Everything we’ve ever been told in geography class is lies! All lies!
Despite everything we’ve been lead to believe, the original Winnie the Pooh was actually a girl. The cartoon Pooh was definitely a boy, but he was based off of was a black bear called Winnie, who lived at the London Zoo. The bear’s name was a tribute to the Canadian city of Winnipeg. So not only is Winnie a girl, she’s also Canadian.
As Confucius once said, “there are more nipples in the world than people." And he was right. I’m just kidding, he didn’t actually say that but there are more nipples in the world than people and that is a very weird thing to think about.