Oh, Kim. We don't care if you have long hair and don't care. We just care that you're true to your authentic voice. You do you!
The Kardashians have a fun birthday tradition of getting each other business opportunities instead of presents. How do you think they stay so wealthy? By giving each other sweaters? No!
That butt doesn't shape itself! She uses a mold, much like someone would use a mold to shape Jell-O. It's not as uncomfortable as it sounds, though.
Ugh! We didn't even ask! Why rub it in our faces like that? And we didn't want to until we knew we couldn't.
Kim likes to keep this photo of her bae around just to shame him. All that money and you can't afford a table? Get your life together!
Memory is like a muscle. You have to exercise it. Just like you exercise that trademark butt.
Kim Kardashian got a little cheeky on her assistant's birthday. Kim is the queen of throwing shade. Her assistant is the queen of being a shadow.
Kim Kardashian couldn't quit when she was behind. Once you make these kinds of jokes, there's no turning back. It's not fun to be the butt of them!
Was this just her assistant's birthday present? Did Kim include a gift receipt? Because we would try to return it if it were us.
Oh shit! Kim is with Kanye, but on the side she's with... Kanye? And he doesn't even know! Drama!
Plastic surgery is the preferred method of relaxation for the Kardashian family. It's kind of like going to the spa, right? Just more expensive and more painful.
Teach us how, Kim. What sorcery did you use to pull this off? We need to know your magic and your wisdom!
Little known fact: Kim and Kanye had a cameo on Game of Thrones. What? Like it's weird to think that Kim Kardashian would be on a show with a lot of nudity and incest?
When you spend thousands of dollars on your hair, the last thing you want is helmet head. The first thing you want perfect hair. That's why you spend thousands of dollars on it.
These people are nobodies. They'll never amount to anything in this town! Why even waste time and space accommodating them?