The happiest day of someone's life is the worst day of someone else's. Not everyone can have love and happiness! Some people are destined to be the spinster aunt in the corner telling everyone to f**k off.
What woman hasn't thought of replacing her uncomfortable heels with bags? You drunkenly stop for McDonald's at the end of the night, why not drunkenly use your bags as fashionable footwear? Not all intoxicated ideas are bad ideas!
Sometimes your subconscious tells you things in really subtle ways. Purchasing pull ups when your pants are like this isn't a subtle message, though. That's your subconscious yelling at you in full volume! Pull those pants up!
You know it's been a long flight when you start hallucinating dogs. You also know it's been a long flight when you start hallucinating that that dog is telling you to stop kicking its seat. But for real though, kicking his seat is rude.
You laugh, but a degree from Roller Coaster University is better than a degree from community college. Do you know how much work goes into becoming a Coaster Conqueror? At least some work, so get off our backs, okay!
Do you, like all women, hate shaving your legs? Try the simple life hack of only shaving half of your legs, and completely neglecting the other half. People only see the bottom half of your legs anyways! It's a full proof plan!