What is up with those stupid tags?! I personally have removed tags not only from my own mattresses, but other peoples', just to be a scofflaw hellion. I have never, EVER been penalized under the law for this. So what gives? 

Actually, these tags were originally required by the U.S. Government on 19th century mattress sellers who were filling their beds with recycled, bacteria-infested crap. The tags had the bedding contents listed on it, and if it was removed...well, let's just say there was a lot more than a persona's body lying on that bed. 

Is it a reflection of the water? Are you kidding me? Is that a joke? We don't live in a DOME! It's because of something called the Tyndall Effect, which states that on a clear day, the molecules of air that make up our immediate atmosphere scatter blue light more than they scatter red light. Scattering = a wash of color. At night, the air density changes, and red light (along with those other psychedelic colors) scatter and you get those romantic sunsets.  

Why does fruitcake apparently last so damn long? Is it because, like cockroaches, it is so reviled, so detested, so abominated, that, as if to spite humanity, will out last even the most stalwart of our species? 

No.

It's because fruitcake is made up of mostly dried fruits, rinds, and nuts which are all low in moisture. Bacteria need moisture to thrive, so fruitcake is like the Mojave Desert to them. Furthermore, there's also alcohol in fruitcake (not enough to numb the tastebuds, though, like Uncle Dan's Rated R Rum Cake) which makes a hostile environment to bacteria and mold. 

Well...that was unexpected. If you're like me, you don't clean your pad. On principle. But if you're not like me, and let's hope you're not, you clean your place at least once every harvest moon. If you have a proper stove and not a hotplate or hearth for to cook your meals, you might want to clean it every now and then to avoid the occasional grease fire or repulsed sexual partner. If you're scrubbing your stove without doing this, you're making your life much harder than it needs to be. Most stoves actually transform like Michael Bay creations so you can massage their undersides, too. 

Let's cut the crap. What is Pluto? Is it a planet? Is it dwarf planet? And if it's the latter, what does that even mean? OK, so it is a dwarf planet. But what the heck is that? Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out — but it sure helps. A dwarf planet has all the characteristics a non-dwarf planet has (solar orbiting, moons, a catchy Roman name), but it's just...smaller. In fact, Pluto is smaller than Earth's moon, named: Moon. See? Moon doesn't get a catchy Roman name. 

He's famous (or infamous) for hacking off his ear in a fit of pique after a fight with his sometime-friend-sometime-rival, fellow artist Gaugin, and then offering it up to a prostitute at a local cathouse, after which she promptly fainted. But new research sheds light on this commonly held, quite possibly apocryphal story.. 

Historians Hans Kaufmann and Rita Wildegans, in their new book, posit a new theory that argues that Van Gogh was suffering from a metabolic disorder that was driving him particularly batty one day. Gaugin threatened, in his spiteful way, to leave his friend once and for all — a heartache that Van Gogh just could not brook, and he went wild. Gaugin drew a blade and, whether by accident or deliberately, slashed Van Gogh's ear off. But the truth has been concealed for ages, because the men, it is presumed, made a pact of secrecy. 

Why do some countries drive on the right side of the road and others on the left? This one's pretty cool: so 35 percent of the countries in the world drive on the left, and most of them are British colonies. They drive on the left because back when there were knights, and knights road horses to and fro hitting on maidens and slaying dragons and what not, they dug the left side of the road. Why? Because most of them (like most people) were right handed, and kept their swords on their left hip. So if they had to draw on someone, or a troll, or foe of some kind, they wanted to be able to stick them with their lance, and, you know, kill them.  

In the '70s it was always, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!" (That's Brady Bunch for all you Gen Z'ers out there.) But nowadays it's all about, like, "Match, matcha, matcha!" What is this green stuff? Why is it so fashionable? And is it made from people? (That's a Soylent Green reference, for all your Gen Z'ers.)

Matcha is a green tea harvested in large part by the Japanese. The samurais would drink it before going into battle. It's loaded with antioxidants and catechins and caffeine, all of which are like a health speedball to your system. But don't drink too much of it — it can have deleterious effects in large quantities. 

Good Lord, I am so scared of earthquakes. I have absolutely no idea what to do if one strikes where I live. Luckily, there is a protocol if one does go down.

If you're inside: stay there. DON'T GO OUTSIDE! Most earthquake injuries happen when people try to egress out of their houses during a quake. Get under a table or desk, hold on, and wait for the shaking to stop. 

If you're outside: stay there. Stay away from walls, or anything tall — like a building, trees, power lines, etc. Don't go indoors.

If you're in a car: slow down. Stop where it's safe. Don't stop near trees or buildings — they could come down. Stay there until the shaking stops.   

What do you do if you see a bear? Bear hug it? No! First, try to avoid them altogether, which is easy if you live on a house boat — as most bears do not own government issued boating licenses. First, you're going to want to whip out your bear mace if you have it. 

Now, you'll be able to tell if a bear is reacting defensively if it pops its jaws or starts whipping the ground with its paws. Back away slowly and non-threateningly. 

If, however, the bear wants to make contact with you — maybe it's feeling a little daring — stand your ground. Speak in a firm tone of voice, look the bear in the eye, and tell it to GO AWAY! YAH!

Or live on a houseboat. 

How in the world do you remember someone's name? How do you remember your own? Tattoo? Memento style? When you first meet someone new, do these things: 

(1) Repeat their name a bunch of times. Make sure they know their own name. Introduce them to someone else they don't want to talk to. 

(2) Spell it out. To yourself, with your lips, or even ask them to spell it. S-A-M, Sam. 

(3) Associate the name with a job title (my damn lawyer), a characteristic (my lying, backstabbing lawyer). 

(4) Lastly, really try to care about learning their name. But only if you don't want to make a fool of yourself in front of them in the future. The power of self-suggestion is strong. 

There may come a time in your life, or perhaps that time has passed, when you'll need to take, and beat, a lie detector test. A former NSA agent spills on how to beat one. First, during the baseline, softball questions like, "Have you ever stolen," lie, but also bight your tongue hard. This will skew your baseline numbers. When you're hit with the tough ones, start to daydream to calm your nerves, and check out. They'll never know where you went, but they'll know where you don't go: to jail. Because you passed! 

How often are we comparing great things with the advent of sliced bread, and have no idea where such a phrase came from? I feel so appropriative when I do that. The phrase may have been a campaign slogan for Wonder Bread, which was the first commercial manufacturer of individually packaged loaves of sliced bread. That was back in the 1930s! Before then, people had to slice it themselves! And they were also skinnier.  

Odds are, if you wear sunglasses, they were made by Luxottica, an Italian monopoly that, despite its humble roots, has become a juggernaut in the industry. The company started out as a single brand, but in the 1980s went on an acquisition spree, and bought up sunglass company after sunglass company. Oakley, Ray-Ban, you name it. So why do your sunglasses cost so much? Blame a defect in capitalism. 

How much is the right amount? The Mayo Clinic recommends 15.5 cups (3.7 liters) of fluids for men, and 11.5 cups (2.7 liters) of fluids a day for women. Now, that's fluids. But about 20 percent of your body's water needs also comes from the foods you eat. So it could be a little less than that. Of course, everyone is different, so you've got to figure out what works for you.