“Linda, I’m tired of cleaning up your f***ing messes all the time. I didn’t grow out this glorious mane so that you can clean up the casserole you threw on the floor after your date cancelled for the third time in a row. Get a life, Linda.”
In a past life, this zipper was a deep-sea angler fish. She wished to be “up where the people are” and asked a deep-sea octopus witch to transform her into something that can exist on land. Unfortunately, she wasn’t very specific.
If I were sitting in traffic, I’d be waiting for a pterodactyl storm cloud to roll in. Then I’d sit back and watch the slowest cloud monster showdown in the history of cloud monster fights. Spoiler: The sun is going to come in as the hero of the day.
I don’t know why but I’m imagining this thing having an Irish or a Scottish accent. This trouble-making octopus doesn’t look like it’s very good at fighting tough. He’s already lost six of his eight legs. Apparently, he doesn’t learn from his mistakes.
These little guys look like they know what they’re going to be used for. Well, the majority of them will be used for that. A couple will probably be used in conjunction with a spoon and some black tar heroin. They’ll end up in a gutter somewhere.
People say I remind them of a potato when I'm smiling, too. But, when they say that I become a sad potato. Nobody wants to go through life being a sad potato. You want to go through life being the kind of potato that will get turned into the best batch of McDonald's french fries...