“Every time I went to her house, there were small brown/melted ‘V’ shapes in the carpet. I always wondered what they were. Then one day, I went over one time and saw her hair straightener lying on the carpet. She left it on ALL THE TIME, and would just go to work. Like, how have you not burned your apartment complex down yet?” - Doebino
Do you really want to stick around to find out? Didn’t think so.
“He took me out to my favorite restaurant, a chic little upscale cafe, for dinner on Valentine's Day and made fun of the way I pronounced filet. He tried to get the waiter on his side. ‘Can you believe this? Hahaha! She wants the fill-ayyyy!’ Then he leans upwards conspiratorially, ‘she means the fillit, obviously. Hahaha!’”
Maybe you should get the New York strip next time so there is no confusion.
“I was a vegetarian when we were dating. Pretty early on he asked if I ate fish. I said no, I don't eat any animals. To which he replied ‘a fish isn't an animal, it's a mammal.’ I didn't even know what to say, I just walked out of the room.” - livercookies
Being a vegetarian is hard enough. He didn’t need to rub it in!
“My ex boyfriend saw a very large lady wearing double denim, then turned to me and said ‘wow, how many cows died for her outfit?!’ At first I laughed then realized he wasn't really joking and after probing, genuinely believed that denim came from cows. It was the beginning of the end really.” - braithgwirod
“My boyfriend and I went to a sexual health clinic together. I got a DepoProvera injection, and he became so concerned it would ‘pour back out’ that he held his finger to my arm. The nurse just stared at him, then shook her head. He was very concerned afterward that I didn't ‘get enough of it’.- blackcoffeeredwine
Relax bro. She is not trying to have a baby with you. Especially after this went down.
“I dated a guy for months and we went swimming once so I took off my makeup. This fool says to me ‘wait, your eyelashes aren't black?’ I am a redhead. Leaning toward strawberry blonde. I was speechless.”
“He didn't know pickles don't grow out of the ground as pickles. After explaining the whole pickled cucumber situation, he actually didn't believe me at first. We're married, and he's never going to live it down.” - IdleMayhem
Maybe you can have him read the nutrition label on the jar if he has any doubts?
“We (mid 20's) were naked kissing and cuddling. When we stopped for a break, he said ‘so, that's sex. It was good.’ I thought he was joking, so I laughed. It took a few minutes to clear it up.” - czech_zout
At least he thinks that you are good in bed! Just trying to focus on the positive.
“My first boyfriend broke up with me, because I refused to believe that he was a secret dormant superhero; who would one day be called upon by the government, to save the world from some unnamed terrorists.” - camleep
“He was adamant that 'night owl' meant whore and that I should NEVER again refer to myself as one because that was equivalent with claiming that I was a prostitute. I could not convince him that he misunderstood and that 'lady of the night' was the term he was searching for.” - AfterElysium
Who? Who? Who are you calling a night owl? You disgusting early riser! Yea, I said it!