You know that person in your life who likes to pop over whenever they want, and it always sucks? This doormat isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking. Thanks for speaking our minds for us, doormat.
This person must be involved in some not-so-legal activities. Either that or they just really love the band that sang "Cherry Pie." But if you bring a legal document or the actual band, they have to let you in.
If you want to add to the social interaction, just pretend this is a Facebook post. If you want to comment, write it down on a smaller doormat underneath this one. It's much better than actually communicating in person.
The thought of getting humped by a dog is enough to make most people quickly leave. Unfortunately, it would also make a handful of odd people want to stick around even more. And those are probably the people you should interact with the least.