"My human thinks I don't know I'm not actually tied to anything. Truth is, I know I can leave any time I want. But he's got cookies, so I'm gonna ride this one out at least until the yummies dry up."
Even worse, it was while discussing "large, powerful, ear-shattering organisms." The type of organisms you'd leave your husband for and make you believe in a higher power. Worse possible time to slip up, Teach.
There's a lot of sadness in this hilarity. First of all, thinking you weren't going to eat it all. Second, this likely took less than five minutes. And lastly, the Mountain Dew. Need I say more?
But what about diagonal?! Using a breakup to farm likes is suspect. But you gotta give it to him, he definitely deserves points for creativity.
Maybe she should have used a different artist. But that would have just resulted in a "Leonard-no" or a "Michaelange-nope." Plenty of other fish in the sea (as well as Ninja Turtles references).
"Normally, I never take a stranger home like this. But he said in the morning he would make waffles. How could I say no?"
This is funny and all, but it reveals a terrifying truth: parents are now on Snapchat as well. As if they weren't bad enough on Facebook. Is no social media platform safe?
I just hope once the boys do arrive she's ready for what's next. Namely, teaching others. It could be lucrative, as she will have to charge.
Is her mom on Snapchat as well? There are some weird, wonderful corners to explore on this platform. Also, pizza. So, so much pizza.
I mean, it can't hurt to try, right? Maybe well wishing and festivity is all it takes to bring this back to life. Any time now. Yup... any time.
Sometimes you're destined to take certain professions. Much like my friend "Doctor Or Lawyer Liebowitz." His parents weren't very subtle.
This has to be one of the biggest Forever Alone moments of all time. I like his imagination, though. All of his friends look like thugs from an old school beat 'em up game.
If that doesn't work, I have another idea. Try tying a "Get Well Soon" balloon to the car and hope for the best. Keep hoping. C'mon, Billy, you're not hoping hard enough!